


Forget

by itneverleftyou



Series: bethyl prompt table [4]
Category: The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Swearing, TW: Blood, not a whole lot of bethyl in this part, tw: molestation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:43:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itneverleftyou/pseuds/itneverleftyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth comes back to the group, but she's mute and bruised. She's not the girl they all remember. [ Warnings of abuse and implied rape, heavily so. ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forget

Forget, _forget_ , forget, **forget**.

You need to forget.

She’d been telling herself this, over and over. She knew that she was stronger than this. Stronger than hiding inside of a room because she was tired. Because she was worn, the ends of everything fraying and leaving her empty.

Maggie was trying. They’d been through things, too, in their time apart. But Beth was angry at her. Angry at how her sister had thought her for dead. How she’d given up so easily on her. Being silent had perks, meaning she’d walked in on a conversation never meant for her ears. She knew she would forgive her sister. Forgive the girl who would beg her to forget whatever happened. To forgive her for the things she’d made Beth feel.

She just wasn’t ready yet.

She wasn’t ready for anything.

She knew the one named Abraham was growing restless. She’d heard him arguing with Rick. But she hadn’t said anything and clutched Jude closer to her chest, ignoring the sharp pains inside of her as Rick defended her.

"She’s been through a lot."

"Haven’t we all?" Rosita had chimed in.

She knew that was true.

Beth was just tired. Tired of fighting and trying. Tired of fighting. Finding her way out of one abduction, just to spend months of cold winter alone and get taken into a hospital where the living took the last bit of her faith away.

Hadn’t she been the one to tell Daryl that there were still good people?

She didn’t know if she believed it anymore. She didn’t know if she even believed in herself anymore.

Rolling onto her side, she ignored the sound of footsteps coming toward her room. She would say go away, if she was talking. She hadn’t said a single word, not being able to find her voice to do it.  
It was frustrating.

She was angry at herself. She thought she was stronger than this.  
The door opened, shut quietly and her bed dipped.

"Beth?" Glenn’s voice was cautious and she shifted closer to the wall, pulling the cover higher over herself. "You gotta eat. We’re all pretty worried." If she were a better person, she would tell him she was fine. Tell them to all stop worrying. To leave her in that house. She could die there.

"We don’t know what happened to you. We’re here for you, Beth. You know that, right?" Glenn’s voice sounded as desperate as she felt. She did know that, but she didn’t have it in her anymore. "We’re here." He said again, as if he believed she wasn’t listening to his every word.

Pushing the cover off of herself, she turned to him and sat up to look at him. Glenn looked shocked but he smiled at her and she just couldn’t return it. The smile slipped from his lips and she wished more than anything that they’d leave her alone. Go on, move on.

What had been the point of finding them if she was just pushing them away? She didn’t know anyway.

"Will you at least let the girls help get you cleaned up?" He asked, voice tight. She knew she was bloody, bruised. Knew she had a scar on her cheek. Knew that her clothes were ripped and her hair was dirty with grass and mud, matted with blood.

Beth shook her head no. That she could do. Right? She tried again. Yes, she was shaking her head.

Glenn looked surprised but relieved that she was at least somewhat answering him. “Do you want to get yourself cleaned up? Okay, no, you’re shaking your head. What about food, Beth?”

She stopped shaking her head and she crossed her arms over her chest, ignoring the pain that it made ripple in her muscles.

"We have plenty, if that’s what you’re worried about. And Bob wants to get a look at you, make sure you’re alright."

Beth breathed out, she knew she should at least let Bob look her over.

She shook her head and then nodded her head.

"Which are you saying no to? Food? Okay. But Bob?" Glenn smiled a little when she nodded to Bob’s name. Standing up, he stood back as if he knew he needed to give her space.

Scooting to the edge of the bed, she pushed herself up and winced at how it ached everywhere. Once on her own two feet, she had to remind herself that she was making a choice every single day.

A choice to live or a choice to die.

If her choice was to die, she wouldn’t have come to them. She wouldn’t have tracked them and came home. So she was being selfish, doing this. Maybe she couldn’t do it all at once, but this was about babysteps.  
Glenn led her out of the room and she followed, looking up as she finally made it to the main room where Bob had set up office.

There were too many eyes. Maggie, Carl and Daryl’s stood out to her. She felt them on her and she took a step back, everything inside of her wanting to run back. To hide.

She was ashamed. Ashamed of herself. Of the mess she was.

Rick seemed to sense this and stepped in front of the door, successfully blocking her into the room.

She didn’t look at anyone but Bob as he spoke softly to her. “Alright, Beth. Just need you to lay right here. If you don’t like something, tap my hand twice.” It seemed that news of her being mute had made it’s way around the group. “If you understand, please, when you’re ready. I’ll need to take your boots off. Daryl said your ankle was hurt, and you’ve been hobbling on it. It’s not fixed itself all this time. As for your injuries, the only visible ones I can see are bruises and that scar. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Beth put her hand over her cheek, her finger tracing the scar. His slow and smooth way of talking to her was calming her down, surprisingly. But she found that she welcomed it. Was she hurt anywhere else?

She dropped her hands and pushed her shirt up, ignoring the gasp from Maggie as her bruised ribs came into view.

"Were you kicked?" Bob asked, stepping closer to her and for the first time, she allowed someone to step into her space. Beth nodded.  
She had been pushed down, kicked. She’d fought to get away. She’d been pulled back down, kicked until she could taste blood. Kicked until she blacked out. She’d woke up later, no sense of time, other than someone telling her that she’d been out for two days.

Beth nodded and quickly dropped her shirt, her hands going to her head.

"My head." She said, voice cracking from not being used. From lack of water.

"Is it hurt?" Bob nodded toward her, silently asking and she nodded. He put his hands on her, one hand gently against the back of her head; ignoring her flinch as his other hand gently moved over her scalp. "Can you tell me what happened to you?"

Just like that, she stepped back, shaking her head.

She’d have to tell him everything. She would have to tell them all of the horrible things she’d had to do.

"We can do this slowly, Beth. I just need to know how to help you."

"I killed them," She mumbled, ignoring the eyes on her. Ignoring how quiet it was. "I killed every single one of them. We got away. There was a few of us, being kept prisoner. I got them caught again. That hospital? They had a purpose." After not talking, it hurt to do it. It sounded weird to her own ears, the gruff sound of her voice. "It was my idea to camp outside, watch it. We woke up, someone fell asleep during their watch. I knew it was bad. I had a feeling. We watched it anyway. And then we foolishly let our guards down. I thought there were still good people. I was wrong. I was wrong, Bob." Beth pressed her hand over her mouth. "First, that car. Outside the funeral home." She couldn’t seek Daryl’s eyes out. She couldn’t. "They were men. Men doing sick things. Not just to me. To others, just like me. The weak ones. I had to kill them. I prayed, asked God to forgive me. I had to do it. Then the hospital." Her skin felt itchy as she remembered it. "They tore my friends apart. Used it for bait. Bait for the walkers. How sick is that, huh? You can’t just run. No, you have to…"

She felt dizzy, sick. Beth wanted to hide again. “They did it in people’s sleep. You could hear the screams. Waking up to a chainsaw against your leg or arm. To a toe or finger. And they wouldn’t kill them. Not right away. Take an arm and leave them there, wrap it up as if it were normal. Thank you for giving for the greater good.” Beth spat, knuckles white as she balled her hands into fists. “I woke up to them trying to cut my foot off. Didn’t need it anymore. It’s broke, Beth, do it for the greater good. I had to fight back. After that, they came after me. Cut me up, kick me until I bled, until I passed out. So you wanna know what hurts, Bob? It all hurts. Everything hurts. Got anything for up here, huh?” She asked, pointing to her head. “Got anything for the memories? Bones, skin, all of that, it heals. I ain’t stupid, I know it’ll be fine. Got anything for memories of men touching me? Using me? Got anything for a someone who murdered countless people in cold blood? Got anything for a girl who heard anyone she met, who kept her believing in the common good, who had her holding onto faith - they all died. Walkers, human. What’s the difference anymore?” She breathed and dropped down onto the makeshift cot Bob had for her.

"Y’all happy now? You know. You know everythin’. You can stop wonderin’." Beth breathed, her lungs on fire.

Just like that, the room came to life. Bob took it as permission to get to work and she barely felt his hands on her. She knew and appreciated that he was handling her with extra care, not allowing his hands to linger. Rick ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing Carol and Carl, Michonne and Sasha to follow him. Tyreese kneeled down and she heard him praying. She didn’t know about everyone else.

Maggie came over with water, helping her drink it and for once, she didn’t push her sister away. She didn’t pull her hand away as Glenn took it. She knew he would never hurt her.

And out of the corner of her eye, she saw Daryl storm out of the room. The door slammed and she wondered what that was about.


	2. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few weeks since she found herself back with the people she considers family. It's been a lot harder than she thought, but she thinks she might be okay. Beth's going to be okay.

A few weeks later found Beth in slightly better health. She was talking now, not as much as she used to, but she was a work in progress. She'd gotten away from Maggie, who was ever-present and clinging to her. Making sure she was fine every five seconds. Between Maggie, Glenn and Bob, she was feeling a lot better.

Bob was talking to her. Bob was the one who was there during the nights that she would wake up, screaming and remembering. 

Then it was Bob and Daryl. Except Daryl never looked at her and he never said anything. He was just there, lingering by the door way. Which was surprising, considering that after storming away, he hadn't returned for a few days. 

Her ribs weren't completely healed, she was supposed to be in bed resting. But, well, Beth was sick of laying there and thinking too much. So, she'd sent Maggie off on a fake task and quickly climbed out of bed before she could get caught. But what to do with her new found freedom? She knew it would be short lived, but that was fine. She just needed to get out of that room.

Stumbling upon Rick, who had Judith in his arms, Daryl and Carl, who were talking while Michonne sat quietly in the corner. Beth walked over, a ghost of a smile on her lips. She knew she'd went to a place that she was struggling to get away from. To get back to who she was. But when she saw Judith, it didn't take much.

"May I?" She asked, arms stretched out toward the little girl who was already wiggling in Rick's arms, reaching for her. That made her smile, for sure.

Rick looked unsure for a moment, and she shrunk back, wondering if it was because he knew she'd went to a darker side, or he was worried she was mentally unstable. Carl seemed to notice. "C'mon dad, her ribs are probably a lot better. And Judy misses her, see?"

His father looked at him, nodding. "Forgive me, Beth, just worried you'll hurt yourself." He explained as he gently placed his daughter in her arms.

Everything felt okay again. In that moment.

Judith giggled, her chubby hands patting at Beth's cheeks and squealing at the girl who had basically raised her.

And just like that, she felt it happening. Felt the way her eyes watered up. She clutched the baby to her chest, allowing herself to feel this moment as opposed to keeping those walls up. 

This was a good thing, a good feeling. 

"Oh Judy," Beth mumbled, voice thick with emotion as her hands rubbed the baby's back gently. Tears slid down her cheeks as she backed herself against a wall and slid down, keeping a firm but gentle grip around the child. "I'm so sorry," She breathed, laying the girl in her lap carefully. "I'm not gonna leave you again, I'm gonna be right here. It's gonna be okay. I won't let anybody ever hurt you like that, you're. You're too good. You're gonna be okay. Never gonna let anybody hurt you."

There was still good in the world, she knew that just from looking into the eyes of a beautiful baby who didn't yet know the troubles of the world. She feared for the day that Judith would learn the world they lived in but she knew she'd stay alive as long as she could, to keep the little girl safe. To teach Judy as Hershel had taught her. "There's still good in this world, baby Judith." Beth cried softly, picking the baby back up and holding her gently. Laughing as Judith babbled in baby nonsense but hugged her back.

The room had long went silent but it was Carl who came forward first, Carl's arms sliding around her shoulders and she leaned into the boy who had become a brother to her. It was Rick who followed after that. Being the only father figure she had left in the world. She allowed the comfort they brought, allowed herself to finally cry. To let it all out.

It felt like it went on for hours as Rick and Carl took Judith and Daryl stepped forward, his eyes meeting hers and he didn't waste another second. It'd been a while since she'd put real thought into this, whatever it was or could've been. She didn't know what would happen to them, she just knew she needed him; especially in that moment as his strong arms wrapped around her completely and she buried her face against his shoulder.

He didn't say anything and she didn't need him to. He said it in the way he held her, the way he rubbed her back. In the way he held her gently and with care. Daryl said it all by how he looked at her with unguarded eyes, when his thumbs swept away all of the tears and kissed her forehead.

He said it all when he shed a few tears with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dlfksdlkfj I made myself cry? Wow, okay. I don't know. I hope you guys enjoy this! I'm gonna go write some fluff now, eesh.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling really angsty. No worries, happier times will come in part two! (As well as Bethyl!) Find me over on tumblr @ shemightbeoneofus


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